But this is only a beginning, I now realise as a young mother. You probably wouldn't bother but the society will put your child under the lens! 'Accha itne mahine ki ho gayi fir toh roll karne lagi hogi!', 'Arre abhi tak tali (clap) bajani nahi sikhi? Yeh toh bacche sabse pehle seekhte hain!', 'Ghutne se chalne lagi kya?', 'Kitna khati hai?', ' Kya kya khati hai?'. 

One of the most ridiculous discussions has been about the 'the speed of her chewing'! 

And the question is presented as 'Abhi khaane mein natak toh nahi karti?'. Like seriously! Is this for real? What do you expect from a child who is experiencing so many textures and tastes for the first time! To eat like an adult from day one?

Why do we mount this ever increasing burden of the great expectations on other people and innocent children?

I know some of it might be just careless commenting but it hurts. I am not one of those moms who track a baby's milestone or get worried when they don't achieve them. Still it pinches me when somebody makes these uncalled comments about my child! Can you imagine the pressure on young moms who are already so concerned or whose child might have a different growth graph?

I know some of them and I empathise with their everyday struggle. The expectations, the societal pressures of fitting in, add to that the vulnerability of being a young mother and everything that comes with it. It just gets to them.

We are in the month of reflection and redemption. It’s that time of year when a lot of us get into a pensive mood, thinking about things we could have done better and things we should start doing. This mood might be voluntary or forced upon us by the excess of ‘New Year Resolutions’ posts or annual appraisal cycle of corporate which adds little to our pockets but more to our mental stress. What should I say about new year resolutions? I think they are as overrated as Valentine’s Day. Largely engineered to increase the sale of gyms and other health centres with full paid and hardly attended memberships.
On days, I am not serial procrastinating, I believe today is the day to make the change because tomorrow never comes and certainly neither, new year. But if you are one of those to whom new year is the motivation to make amends and you are really determined to shake things around you. Let me give you my two cents on changes that may last longer.
Why? Well since everyone is pretending to be a travel blogger these days, what stops me from hopping on to the wagon of my choice! So here you go:

This year I am going to sweat out those extra kilos in the gym!
If you have been saying this to yourself, every time your dress’s zip gets stuck at a trial room or someone points at your every increasing belly, be warned. You know you haven’t been able to get yourself to do it since like years? So what is the guarantee it would happen now? Nor are we Kareena Kapoors, so the thrill of being spotted by paparazzi or getting to wear free or expensive sportswear is out of the question. Plus there is no dearth of larger clothes in the city malls and who doesn’t like the comfort of a loose pair of pajamas?
Since we have safely established that our motivation to change the ‘shape of you’ is extremely low. So what do we do? If you ask me, not that you have any choice now. I’d say have a real conversation with yourself, lower your pedestal and find something that suits you. Treadmill routines can be utterly boring and it won’t make us any less mortal in admitting that. So just like a well-stitched suit, find an exercise that motivates you, be it yoga, circuit training or simply running. Understand if you are a lone wolf or a group motivates you better. Powai has great green stretches and abundant gyms and classes. Explore, experiment and get on.

I am going to have a better work-life balance!
Well, we all mere mortals have been trying to achieve it but just like a carrot hanged in front of a donkey, it always eludes. With the new buzzword of work-life integration, we can only expect more work being integrated into our lives and rarely the vice versa. So what do we do? Well if you ask me, I would be running with double speed from such a lifestyle. But if you are someone who enjoys the adrenaline rush of closing a deal or the experiences that come with constant travelling, well you gotta plan your life better. I am sure most of you do that already. But if you haven’t started, the clock is ticking. After all, no one takes trophies to the grave but only memories. So they better be the best ones ;)

I am going to spend less time on mobile or TV!
In a world of endless scrolling and immense options to watch from, knowing when to stop is becoming increasingly difficult. But if you have been intending on doing it, let me help you with some suggestions. Use the technology against itself. These days there are free applications that will automatically shut the social media apps, once the predefined duration is over. You can even choose to block the apps for certain hours of the day or keep them relaxed on weekends. I personally have found them a great saviour. Go hit your play store and try one of them. If you are a couple, not watching Netflix during dinner time and instead opting for a chilled out conversation is a great pact you both can make together. The good old buddy system never goes out of fashion, even if it's for getting over TV addiction. The options are many. You just need to find what is really doable for you.

One last resolution. This may or may not be in your priority list right now. But it should be. It's a resolution that impacts beyond our personal lives.

Climate Change (Did you say boring…?)
Well, hopefully unlike trump we all are aware that climate change is real and happening. Every day we hear about Delhi but have you noticed the smog clouds that lately surround Powai from time to time? Do you know a 10% water cut in Mumbai has already started until next rains? Did you read that the 7 lakes of Mumbai are being monitored for water levels? Are you aware that Mumbai's garbage dumping grounds are already reaching their limits? The seasonal cycle is already going for a toss. So what can we really do on our own? An initiative to carpool within society or nearby people? Optimizing usage of water in daily activities? Saying no to straw by nariyal paniwala? Every small act when combined can create a huge impact.

So now that I have given you some unsolicited 'gyan', I hope you find it useful. I will see you in this new year, hopefully Instagramming a lot more workout photos or whatever is that you plan to kick-start or let go in the new year!

Ganpati celebrations mark the beginning of the festive season. We are already through with Navratri and just days away from Deepawali. As a little girl, I always looked forward to Navratri celebrations. It used to be one busy week, especially between Saptami to Navami. It would be as if the whole neighbourhood has suddenly woken up to my existence. There would be so many invites that I could literally use an appointment diary for those 3 days. For the uninitiated, this is the time when in some parts of the country, families host young girls for a meal and gifts as a ritual of ending fasting period. The house hopping with cousins and neighbourhood friends would start sharp at 8 am with multiple trips back home. As there was only so much of chole, puri and halwa plates that my little hands could accommodate. Back then I could never understand, why the people whom we were supposed to bow with Namaste and call uncles and aunties rest of the year, would be washing our feet and asking for our blessings. But the happy chatter with the gang and the joy of eating all the food would fade away any serious business. 

I was busy working on laptop when my phone buzzed. I looked at the phone’s screen. It was a message from one of the zillion WhatsApp groups I was part of. As some of us do, I ignored it. I was down writing two more lines when suddenly my phone started ringing with messages. Either there was a breaking news or someone’s birthday. Curious, I opened my WhatsApp. The messages were from one of the women groups of Powai. After a few scrolls down, I finally reached the origin of the buzz. Someone was looking for a Bai aka maid and had put in a description which read like this: ‘Urgent. Looking for a trustworthy, well-trained, punctual and reliable maid. Someone who is versatile and hygienic. She shouldn’t take unannounced leaves and should happily manage some odd jobs from time to time. Please help.’ As I scrolled down the chat, the reactions were mixed and many. Some ladies had thrown ‘I am also looking for one’ hat in the ring while some had responded with downright cynicism, discussing their own bai woes. A few women, however, had tried to help with numbers of bais, they knew. The thread had now become a conversation, the lady who asked the query, since being absent.

This is, however, not an uncommon event. The ‘Bai’ woes are regularly discussed on footsteps of yoga classes, during lunch with the ‘girls’, while watching over kids in the garden and since that doesn't satiate our frustration, over phone calls as well. Yesterday only, my mom called from Dehradun, telling me how her bai, whom she had tried to disband from the house, wasn’t letting anyone take the job in ‘her territory.’ The business of bais affects each and all of us.

The ‘bai’ is to us what HR is to office goers. No-one is happy with them, they think they run the house and when it comes to criticising their lack of response, the lines of seniority or class get blurred. In bringing women together, the topic of bai finds its only parallel with that of their mothers-in-law or daughters-in-law, depending on which side of the wrinkles you are on.

In fact, our relationship with our bais is a lot like a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship, except a way more complicated. When it comes to chores, the bais show the lousy behaviour of a ‘nayi bahu’ but the moment guests arrive, they suddenly turn the ‘saasu-maa’ mode on, leaving one high and dry. Despite your severe lack of liking towards them, you cannot just throw ‘I am having a bad day’ tantrum to your bai as you might to your husband. Unless of course, you want your bad day extended to next 48 hours. Your character and personal skills are judged not by the friends you keep but how long you can keep your bai.

Don't worry, I’m not going to talk about overpriced coffees or exquisite furniture of a cafe. I am discussing coffee shops and cafes today, more as a culture. Spending my first 5 years of independent life in a corporate, I was largely unaware of this culture thriving in Powai. Until of course I left my stable, fat paying, 9-5 job for a more entrepreneurial stint. A stunt, however, would be a more appropriate word for what I pulled off.

That’s when I started visiting cafes, either working from there or meeting people. I soon realized that these places are more than just for coffee or cakes. They have transformed into what we might call as co-working spaces. From freelancers to entrepreneurs, you will find a lot of people doing more than just sipping their coffee. Scenes of Investors conducting their meetings, discussing industry scenarios to entrepreneurs hard selling their ideas are quite common. Not a surprising fact, given after Bengaluru, the next start-ups idea or a copy of the idea is born in the very abode of our Powai. I too have met some really creative and enterprising people there. So if next time, you go to a cafe, you will find entrepreneurs and nerds tucked in various corners with their eyes glued to the laptop screen and ears plugged with music or tie-d professionals discussing numbers.

However, in a fresh change, even the corporates are now following the suit. They are increasingly moving from mundane office meeting rooms to lively halls of cafes. With an increase in the young millennial workforce, senior professionals are seeing cafes as an opportunity for informal interactions and bonding with their younger teammates. On one of the visits, I saw a big group of corporate kids sitting on a large table, spearheaded by their middle-aged boss. The boss, however, mistook the whole coffee shop to his conference room. Perturbed by his loud speech, I started looking around to see if I was the only one getting that complimentary lecture. At that moment, seeing the solo workers sitting quietly with their ears plugged, I realized the importance of carrying a pair of those noise cancelling ear phones.

So the experience is not always very pleasant for the rest of us. Though as the old guy was at least attempting to embrace the new ways of millennial, we should give him that. In ways, I think it represents the changing work culture in India.

Cafes are also the new ladies' kitty party place. Or is it called something else now? Well, apologies to the ladies, but with my small city upbringing, that's what we call the gathering of well-dressed women, chatting or playing games as part of their monthly meeting. However, the cafe version of Kitty is very different from what I have seen growing up. Spring rolls have been replaced with sponge cakes, chai with coffee, sarees with skirts and buns have given way to the perfect blow-dried hair. However, the only thing constant is gossip :D

Teenage has also seen an upgrade. Well, it's more of their pockets actually. Because frankly, teenage since time immemorial has been the age to do stupid stuff or share silly statuses on social media, to be embarrassed in later life. The upgrade on pocket-money however, is significant. I bet if someone could calculate, the teenage pocket-money must have increased more than the inflation rate of our country. I see teenagers frequently thronging these cafes. Something that would have been, once in a blue moon thing during my own teenage, which wasn’t that many years ago. I already feel like a dinosaur, seeing these teenagers posing for an Instagram worthy moment with their cuppa.

Just like in the case of adapting technology, the oldies often accompanying their young prodigies, are learning to order their perfect cup of coffee or trying a new cuisine. I see their sons and daughters patiently and happily explaining the intricacies and references of different dishes.

Thus, Cafés in ways are like mini urban India. They represent the change happening not just in Powai but pan urban India. The new ways of working are fusing in the olden era and lines of office and official are getting blurred. They are also the laboratories of how modern is adapting the traditional and old is storming with the new to form a different kind of culture.

So next time you go to grab your cup of coffee at a Cafe, you know a lot more is brewing there and not just coffee!

-Reproduced from my column in 'My Powai' magazine.

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I am a writer by passion, a petroleum engineer by accident and a proud Indian by origin. Follow my stories on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram!

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